Cinderella

Yeah, this is not about food. I grilled steak. It was good, but not particularly exciting, so I'm doing this.

So I'm reading Cinderella to my son tonight and I realize that I'm getting pissed and I'm not really sure why. It's a classic story, everyone loves it. Has anyone actually thought about it? Really? If I had a daughter I would NEVER read this story to her, except as a cautionary tale.

Let's break it down.

This girl is trapped in a dismal situation because her parents split up and then abandoned her with step people who don't love her. But don't worry kids, I'm sure YOUR parents will never split up. Oh wait, statistically speaking, they probably will. Yeah, you're fucked, worry about that now.

Moving on..

If you do find yourself in dire circumstances and hate your life, just sit around and do nothing. I'm totally sure a magic being will happen along and change your life for you. I mean, in the story this fairy shows up to solve Cindy's problems and gives her what? a trust fund? a fabulous education? a loving family who will help her find her way? No. She gets a hot outfit, a fly (rented) ride and directions to the club. Shit.

So Cindy gets there, shakes her shit and gets the Prince's attention. He falls in love. What? Did they have long meaningful conversations about spirituality? life goals? morals and beliefs? Nope. They danced. WTF?

All he knows about this trick is that she knows how to work a slutty outfit and has the tiniest feet in the land. Body issues, anyone?

All she knows about him is that he is a shallow, superficial douchebag who doesn't give a rat's furry ass about her feelings or opinions as long as she looks good on his arm. She also knows that he's rich and powerful so it's worth whatever hell he puts her through because at the "end" of the story she'll get a fabulous wedding which will make the other girls jealous and she gets to live in a big fancy house.

So she lives happily ever fucking after looking pretty and keeping her stupid mouth shut (which she deserves because she's a twat).

Also, Prince Charming is gay. No straight man is that fucking impressed by clothes.